At a recent party, someone propositioned a friend knowing that this friend had been out on at least one date with someone else. Is this a 'lunch cut' and what constitutes 'dating' or 'going out' with someone? If you have been on two dates does this mean you are dating?
I remember back in my past when attending the seedy nightclubs of Melbourne that my group of friends had a rule about lunch cutting. On at least one occassion we held council during the following week after a major accusation of lunch cutting the previous weekend. I can't remember if the protest was dismissed but it was a very funny night. The rule was:
- You give your friend 10 mins with a girl and if he looks like he is getting nowhere, you were allowed to step in. There had to be confirmation from at least one other that your friend was getting nowhere.
This was highly subjective and to overcome this you would do everything to try to secretly manoeuver the girl away from any prying eyes. It was hard. The dance floor wasn't even safe. There was also the 'let's see if we can break this up' attitude. You pretend not to know these guys as they perform the most ridiculous dance moves. I can still picture five blokes pretending they are mowing lawns on the dance floor. (Cutting lunch .... cutting grass.)
That was in the past. I'm now of the belief that if someone has been on at least one date they should be able to explore this without interference from another. By date, I mean the two of you have made plans to spend time together with no other friends around. I think it would be poor form to cut someones lunch this early on. However, if the number of dates goes over, say, half a dozen and there is no declaration of boyfriend/girlfriend, then I think that all bets are off and moves may be made.
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6 comments:
The issue is often clouded by the absence of what you'd call 'dating'. How ruthless can you be if neither you nor your friend have yet arranged to spend time alone?
This was an issue for me last year. It's worse with girls, because they often act all coy and pretend they're not interested in a guy, but are then enraged when their friends flirt with him - as though a good friend would stand back for the thousand years it takes them to make a move.
My workmates, with whom I canvassed the issue, believed there was no such thing as lunch-cutting - first in, best dressed.
Also, what is your stance on getting involved with your friends' ex-partners? I've known this to break up friendships, although I personally have no problem with it.
I see no problem of seeing friends ex-partners. I think the friendship break ups occur because it's usually the one that gets dumped not being able to deal with it and not accepting that the previous relationship is over.
There is a difference between first in, best dressed and lunch cutting. Lunch cutting involves making moves where other moves are being made. This has, and I've seen it, hurt friendships. It can become quite nasty.
Whilst having no issues in theory about it, getting involved with friends ex-partners needs to be assessed on a case-by-case basis. If the friend has done the breaking up then there should be no problem, if there was trauma and un-resolved stuff still out there or if the friend has been heart broken then maybe it isn't ok. Especially if it's just sex or only ever going to be a short term thing.
I agree that if there is trauma and/or un-resolved issues then it isn't ok. If you value your friendship then you would not do it. In any case, I think your right and you have to talk it over with your friend no matter what you believe the circumstances to be.
I don't know about this 10 minutes thing... it seems a bit harsh. I say the first to notice some potential action gets an hour head start, if he/she hasn't come up with the goods by then, knock yourself out. Also scrap "dating" it's all a matter of which base you got to and if nothing is doing then it's open season as far as i'm concerned.
The 10 mins thing was 15 years ago and we were a ruthless bunch back then.
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